Treasure Hunting

Aaaaaand we're back...six months later.  It seems the more time passed, the more awkward it felt to come back to this blog.  Even now, I have this sense of writer's block, like I really don't have anything to say.  I have nothing to say, and I have too much to say.  And so I have no idea how to begin.  I've had countless post-church moments of inspiration where I've thought to myself, "Oooooh, I need to blog about that tonight."  But then I got in my own way and here we are half a year later.

We had a late night lastnight and I've had sleep issues for a few months now, so I honestly didn't know if we would make it to early church service this morning.  But to my surprise, I woke of my own accord - blessedly not by an alarm for once - and at an early enough time that we could still make it.  It was just late enough that I knew we wouldn't be on time to church per se, but there was an unspoken, comfortable sense of leisure this morning between Tex and I, where we just got ourselves and Wee Man out the door as soon as we could, without our usual "We're late!" freakout, also a welcome change.  Yes, we were :15 late.  But yes, Wee Man still got to go to Sunday school, and I still got to enjoy another awesome sermon, and the earth still got to keep spinning on its axis.  We went to discipleship hour for the first time in months after church and once again, I was amazed at the instant sense of intimacy and camaraderie that happens in that room with friends new and old. Scripture was shared and discussed along with tearful, personal stories and words of encouragement to those who were down and out.  And laughter.  Always laughter, no matter how intense and serious we allow ourselves to get.  That's one of the things that I love about these discipleship groups the most.  At the end of the hour, one woman reminded us to "journal" our walk with Christ, and I thought, "Ooooh, I should blog tonight and that would be my journal."  And now tonight is here and I find myself thinking Maybe I should actually do it this time instead of just thinking about it.  But the general feeling in my heart today matched the theme of this morning's sermon: joy.

Our pastor shared scripture comparing our discovery of heaven to finding treasure in a field, the "treasure" in this case being God.  But honestly, the first thing I thought of when he mentioned "treasure" was not God, but my husband, the person who led me to God.   The pastor talked about the value in giving up everything superficial for this treasure, about taking risks for this treasure, and that's exactly what I know Tex and I did.  Tex uprooted himself from his very home, and moved three states over to be with me.  I risked uprooting myself from all that was safe, and stable, and predictable, and secure.  I experienced profound losses: betrayal by longtime friends, the destruction of my name and reputation, and the invasion of my privacy.  Terror and exhilaration walked arm in arm with me wherever I went, and a steady hum of anxiety accompanied my every step.  But through all of the unknown, Tex was my rock.  He was my new beginning, and the one who would show me what life could be if I chose to take a chance and live it the way I wanted, not the way everyone expected me to.  And so we walked the plank hand in hand, jumped off together, and took the plunge of our lives.  And what a wonderful deep dive that turned out to be.  Gone was the negativity, drama, and obligation, replaced now by a hopeful and relentless pursuit of truth.  I was taking a sizable gamble by leaving my former life behind to be with Tex.  But Tex was taking a gamble of epic proportions to be with me, an agnostic who scoffed at Christianity with an arrogance that still makes me wince to recall.

But through Tex's subtle influence, my heart began to open to God.  Granted, I didn't know it was happening at the time because I was still too busy being right.  Pride is such an insidious captor, isn't it?  It's amazing how full of it we can become without even realizing it, and that's what makes it so dangerous.  I really do see why pride is referred to as "the root of all evil".  It's such an easy thing to justify, and to pardon.  And yet it really is the root of all that is broken in the world.  But regardless of my own colossal shortcomings, Tex just continued to be himself, teaching through example, never through words.  In retrospect, if he had tried to teach me about Christ through words, we would probably not be together today.  We would have fought and debated, and one of us would have given up.  But that's what makes God's plan so cool; he knew that I was stubborn and proud, and that it would be a man of big actions - not big words - that would make me think.

And so my fascination with how Tex viewed and interacted with the world grew, and my door had been cracked open.  Then, in finding our church, reading Lee Strobel's works, forging discipleship friends, and soaking up bone-chillingly powerful sermons given by our Holy Spirit-infused pastor, my door had been kicked completely open and I was on my way to understanding what that amazing man, Jesus Christ, was really all about.

And so this morning's sermon discussed joy, and I went to discipleship hour full of it, and I picked up my son from Sunday school, full of it.  And Tex, Wee Man and I went sledding on this spectacularly gorgeous day, the snow sparkling off the pine branches against a cobalt blue sky, and I felt joy.  I watched my son and my husband play together in the snow: joy.  We had lunch at one of our favorite restaurants, and Tex and I got into a discussion so deep that we talked for fifteen more minutes after paying the check: joy.  We took a family walk together in the crisp, cold air at dusk: joy.  Now, the feelings that held me arm in arm as I went throughout my day were peace and exuberance, and the steady hum that accompanied my every step was hope.  For I have never felt such profound awareness of the blessings that blanket me as I do now.  I know what I have, and I know how lucky I am to have it.  And I know none of it would be possible without God.  And I know my newfound relationship with God would not have been possible without my husband, my treasure, to introduce me.  Yes, I had believed in "a" God through most of my life.  But until I learned about Jesus, God had not taken on the form for me that he does now.  Now, he is my friend.  He has a personality and a sense of humor.  Now, he has a face and a message and a clear path for me to follow.  And on the days that his path feels less clear, he patiently waits for me to find it again.  He is my ultimate treasure.  And I thank him every day for guiding me closer to him through the remarkable people in my life, most notably, my husband.

Matthew 13:44-46 (NIV)

44| “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. 45| “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46| When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.